A post to share and an update on adopting considerations

I read an article today - Tales of an Infertility Survivor. It was a beautifully written piece about a woman who (as the title says) views herself as a survivor of infertility, even though she was unable to get pregnant through ART (assisted reproductive technology) or at all for that matter.

Something she said really hit home for me.
"There are times I look back and see tons of causalities on my infertile battle field. Money gone. Relationships strained. Giant chunks of my life spent in waiting rooms of fertility clinics all over New York City. But, I guess the biggest loss of all was my marriage. Five years into my fertility struggle and six and a half into my marriage, that relationship crumbled. I used to think that my infertility caused my marriage to fail, but in retrospect it seems more that it magnified other problems that already existed and some relationships just don’t survive a perfect storm like that."

And once again I was struck by how lucky I really am.

I know what you're thinking. How can a woman who has always wanted kids feel lucky in her infertility? I don't think I'm lucky to be infertile. In fact, it is the kind of thing I always expected for my life. I tend to have the worst luck in things. So, it came as not a big surprise that life handed me another lemon with infertility.

That's not why I consider myself lucky. I know what a destructive force infertility can be. I've seen it's power, and I often felt like I was being swallowed alive - unable to breathe, think, live. And yet, through all of it, I had an amazing man by my side. I'm not saying that every day we were together was bliss, far from it on some days, but I do feel that we've been going through infertility together. Never once have I felt like I had to travel this maze of tests and doctors and diagnoses and disappointment alone. I always knew that he was there with me, and it brought us so much closer.

I trust that we can fight major battles side by side. That's something I didn't know before facing the big I, and it's something I don't think most young married couples know they can do together.

And while I would never wish infertility on anyway (including myself, obviously), part of me is glad for the knowledge that my marriage has been forged in fire and proved itself made of strong metal.


That being said...

We're still in the throes of adoption consideration. In Texas, you are required to take a class, the PRIDE class, before being considered for foster/adoption from CPS. We're still not 100% certain we're going to move forward with adoption, but after our meeting with DFPS, we're strongly considering it.

So, we're going to go ahead and get our certification (which, on top of the PRIDE class, include 2 background checks, fingerprinting, piles and piles of paperwork, a home visit, a home study and an in depth investigation into our personal and family life) in case we decide to move forward.

It is quite a novel feeling to think that we could hear the pitter patter of little feet (or the clomping of teenage feet) in our home by the end of summer.

Another positive is that adopting through DFPS is completely free, unlike the $30,000+ it can cost to adopt an infant. Basically, the only thing you have to pay for is your court and filing fees, which the state reimburses you. So, that has definitely been a big consideration, remembering that, at this point, our options are free adoption from CPS, $10,000 for a gamble on IVF or $30,000+ on an infant adoption gamble.

So, there is a lot to think about right now. It is yet another battle my husband and I have found ourselves facing as we try to create a unified front to make it through the adoption requirements.

I guess we'll see what happens.